We must forget certain things in order to move forwards in life.
Life isn’t always how we expected. Sometimes it fills us with surprise and joy, sometimes it lets us down.
There are times where we simply assume that something is going to happen in a particular way, or that a certain someone is always going to be by our side, sharing both our happiness and our tears.
Last Tuesday we went to see Derren Brown‘s Miracle in Milton Keynes. As a huge fan of this master of mentalism and illusionism, I am always blown away when I watch watch him live.
His shows are usually wrapped in an aura of intense mysticism, that somehow lingers even after he has left the stage. And when I get home, I feel that I have taken something with me, that I have learnt. It oddly feels more like having attended a meditation session or in a life coaching workshop rather than a magic show.
I won’t reveal any details of the performance itself (Derren made us promise not to!), but I would like to share with you a reflection that he made halfway through the show and that instantly caught my attention: we have always been told that in order to succeed in life, we need to set goals. But these targets are actually a double-edged sword, because the emphasis is always placed on reaching the end point, and we’re anxious to get there, hence we hardly ever enjoy the journey. And what’s even more disturbing… what happens when we don’t achieve those goals? We get frustrated , we lose confidence in ourselves and we feel lost and adrift.
At nearly 30, I have got to know myself better and I have discovered that one of my biggest flaws is that I’m too much of a perfectionist. I’m the kind of person who constantly sets goals (some of them quite unrealistic !) and if I don’t reach them, I get very frustrated and stuck.
In a similar fashion , when I see that something in my life is broken, the engineer in me comes to the rescue focusing entirely on the problem and trying desperately to find solutions. But again , there are things that escape our control.
In the last three years I have seen how someone who was a kingpin in my life has actively chosen to walk away from it, showing me , in a heart-breaking manner, that he was not who I thought he was. My initial reaction was anger, then distance, then trying to fix it and finally accepting that there really is nothing I can do.
And what I have really learned is that we cannot dwell on the past , we cannot torture ourselves with what we could not change . Life follows its course, and the future is always more powerful than the past .
Someone may have disappointed you or you may have failed to accomplish something that you really wanted. But there is always light and happiness along the way, we just need to focus on it. Because in the words of Derren Brown, life, like a piece of music, is what happens between the da capo and fine, that is, between the beginning and the end.
And if a couple of notes (or fifty!) are out of tune… Who cares? The important thing is keep moving in life, always forwards. It’s good to learn from the past, but it’s even more important to enjoy all the melodies that we have yet to discover.
I want to dedicate this post to my best friend and soul mate, Íñigo, for reminding me every day that life goes on, ahead of us 🙂
My coat is from Michael Kors, which I happened to find by complete chance in y TK Maxx for just £70.